so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
