if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
