His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
