I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
