I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
