How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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