We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
