a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
