the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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