your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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