i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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