so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
