My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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