Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
