Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
