I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
