If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
