i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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