Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
