i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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