I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Randomize
