My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
