I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
