Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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