i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
