sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
