He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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