whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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