The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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