did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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