my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
