My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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