he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
40s are totally the cure
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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