Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just had sex bonerless
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
