just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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