insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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