Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
