I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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