My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
