I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
