The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
two words: eviction party
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
