I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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