You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
