Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I said "one day" and that day is not today
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
