Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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