I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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