i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
