I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
