I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
