How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
