She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
