So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
