there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
