im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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