so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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