cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
