"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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