i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
