I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
