The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
