I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
