You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
